


wouldn't it be nice

by cryle



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Boys In Love, Fluff, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Pining, graduation worries, hakaze-typical behavior, theyre dumb, this isnt as sad as it sounds its mostly fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:34:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23921668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cryle/pseuds/cryle
Summary: kaoru is stressed about literally everything and kanata is literally just vibing
Relationships: Hakaze Kaoru/Shinkai Kanata
Comments: 2
Kudos: 48





	wouldn't it be nice

**Author's Note:**

> yeah chief idk this is a shit show i was going thru it i hope someone finds joy in this 
> 
> title is obviously from wouldnt it be nice by the beach boys

It’s weird, really really. How Kanata and Kaoru seemingly couldn’t be more different, but were drawn together like the moon and the tide. 

Kaoru remembers Kanata telling him how they’re all from the sea-- Every person they knew, but he couldn’t help but feel that the exuberance of saltwater coursing through Kanata’s veins was reflected in his own. Nothing feels quite as right as the sand on his sweat-sticky skin or the tide washing in around his ankles.

And it all comes together extraordinarily well when a mop of blue sits down shoulder to shoulder with him. 

Normally, he’d stray as far away from affection with males as possible. He just _wasn’t into men, he couldn’t be._ He was thoroughly convinced that the only reason that he’d need to be around men was to get closer to women. Which obviously made alot of sense, it’s totally not like talking to other men was a thing that every single male did. 

Something, though. . . Something softened within him when he looked at Kanata. Something weird and mushy and _gross_ even unlike when he was set to go on a date with a particularly pretty girl. He kind of hates it, but who is he to deny himself of that soft, warm feeling that he gets in his heart that so closely resembles the feeling of the evening sun on his skin between breezes. 

Whatever. 

They’d known each other for like, a really long time. Kanata was one of the only people he was really close too-- One of the only people _aside from his beloved Anzu, of course_ that had seen him drop his guard and his shitty little ‘playboy’ act. Maybe that’d been the start of it, who knows?

Maybe he’d been drawn in by the mystery and the faint smell of the ocean surrounding the sea-colored hair; perhaps it was the soft, lilting, slow way that he spoke or the odd behaviors that caused others to avert their glances and pretend to see nothing. Whatever. Maybe he wasn’t drawn in by anything in particular, anyway. Sometimes gravity is just fucking stupid. 

Either way, he remembers the first time, nearing the summer of graduation. 

\--

He was so used to seeing Kanata in that god damned fountain. It felt like everytime he got up the motivation to drag himself out of the outdoor malls and movie theatres and busy streets and actually onto campus, there was always a head belonging to one Shinkai Kanata poking up out of the flowing water. 

And like, let’s be honest, that water was probably gross. What with all the people that touched it, how it was on a loop of sucking in and spitting out the same water with a not-so-reliable filter installed? Ew. Seriously. 

Whatever came over him in that moment, he wishes he could physically hunt it down and beat the shit out of it. 

Nonetheless, the next thing he knew he was leaning over, squinting at the boy mostly submerged in the water. 

“Aren’t ya sick of that water? It’s nothing like the real thing, ya know.” He’d spoken hesitantly. 

Kanata had looked at him almost concerned, before the expression was replaced with the normal half-gone smile. 

“I can’t swim, so going to the ocean alone is not ideal. . . “ He’d trailed off, hum punctuating his sentence as if to say ‘what a shame, oh well!’

And like, that was kind of sad? Kaoru couldn’t imagine a boy so infatuated with water and so connected to nautica that couldn’t access it whenever he pleased. He’d die, seriously, he thought. 

And that damn voice was back again, telling him, urging him to call on Kanata and help him along. So he did. Reluctantly. 

“Well, I’m going so if you hop out of there you can come along.” He shrugged, leaning back and offering a hand. Interestingly enough, despite the chill from the water along Kanata’s skin and the goosebumps he usually gets from skinship with his own gender, he felt. . .Fine? No goosebumps, no feeling of absolute disgust. Just the feeling of another hand in his. 

How fucking strange. 

Anyway! He tugs Kanata out of the water _fully clothed, as per usual, which makes Kaoru’s fucking skin crawl_ and Kanata gives him a small nod as thanks. After a brief once-over, Kaoru adds on, 

“You might wanna just take off your blazer and leave it here for later. It’s probably really heavy wet, yeah?” 

Kanata gives no other response except shrugging off his thick school-designated jacket, shoving the wet sleeves of his white button up to his elbows. It looks horribly uncomfortable compared to Kaoru’s own khaki cargo shorts and t-shirt, but there’s not really much he could do at this point. Kanata would have to suffer through his own mistakes. 

The beach that Kaoru spends time on so often is just off the island. It takes them about 30 minutes to walk, placing them right on the shore just when the sun is beginning it’s last stage of descent below the water. 

Kaoru is slightly disappointed because _nothing_ is better than spending the hottest part of the day with the sun beating down, getting stared at by pretty girls that frequent the same areas as him, and having plenty of time to find the water in perfect condition. 

But, he supposes, these are the sacrifices one makes when they will a new friendship to begin to bloom, and the other boy certainly wouldn’t be such a hassle if he was dressed correctly. 

Speaking of which,

Nearly everyone had cleared off the beach, with number dwindling in the mid-week range anyway. A work day that would be followed with another work day usually ensured that the beach would be bustling around 4 and empty by 8. 

That’s a positive thing as well, because he would hate to be embarrassed by his friends half-dry dress pants and equally messy&wrinkled white dress shirt. That would be quite a horrific start to a friendship. 

He wastes damn near no time at all throwing his shirt into the soft sand beyond the high tide-line with his sandals and planting himself knee-deep in the water. 

Except, when he turns, it seems he’s forgotten the dilemma of the evening-- That Shinkai is not only unable to swim, but quite a bit shorter than Kaoru himself. 

Frankly, they’re losing precious time here. So Kaoru motions Kanata to come a little closer from where he’s in the water just above his ankles. And he does, just about to mid-shin-- Which is still too far, much more shallow than Kaoru would like to spend the short time he has. So he does what he must. 

He traces back to where the shorter male is, holding both of his hands out. 

This is returned with a rather skeptical expression. 

And that is returned with a sigh. Is Kaoru ever going to get anywhere with this guy? 

He tugs at Kanata’s shirt sleeve.

“Here, at least get this off. It’ll be alot easier,” And woah there, Hakaze Kaoru? Begging a man to take his shirt off for him? That’s a new one! And the blue haired male definitely picks up on it too. He stares intently before backing up a ways, beginning to unbutton the shirt. 

It’s in this lul of activity, with Kaoru waiting for the shirt to be fully unbuttoned and tossed aside that his mind begins to wander in tune with how much of Kanata’s skin is exposed. 

_He’d be so cute if he were a girl. His skin is just a little bit paler than Kaoru’s own, not by much? And he’s little, but not to short as to be off-putting, the perfect height, really. His hair isn’t exactly the prettiest but it has a certain air that says that he cares not when it looks good anyway. And he’s got this way of speaking that-_

“Kaoru?” 

That makes Kaoru stare, apparently. 

\--

The rest of that night goes down in Kaoru’s memory as rather uneventful, him holding Kanata’s hands when the water was stomach-deep on him, assuring him that he wasn’t going to drown or something-- and while it’s a memory full of bumps and conundrums and the like, it’s a pretty damn good one considering they went to the beach almost every other day after that. 

It’s been a few months. Kanata still doesn’t know how to swim and all of Kaoru’s attempts have been rather futile. He’d even attempted to get the other to just sit calmly on his surfboard with him one day when they’d ventured to a different section of beach with bigger waves and deeper water. That didn’t turn out well either. 

Nonetheless, they’d continued to spend a large portion of each of their time together and under the sun. At some point they’d even stopped walking together and just found themselves approaching the water at the same time completely unplanned. And it was. . . strangely good? Kaoru supposes that Kanata spent some time alone on the beach and not just mysteriously showing up unannounced whenever Kaoru was there by himself but who knows, really. The world works in such a strange fashion, he often doesn’t even bother attempting to catch up with it. 

\--

It’s really one night after his dad really flies off at him, that he realizes something is a little askew. Graduation is days away and he had began to hint that he wanted to continue to be an idol-- One can see where that wouldn’t fair well. It’s too late to head out to the beach so he shuts up in his room instead, phone plugged up on the opposite side of his bed and lights turned off. 

He closes his eyes to sleep, and he can only think of his mother. Her kindness that had carried him so far but caused him so much pain. The way scenes of her played out behind his eyelids-- In the grocery store, at the aquarium, in the car on the way to his grandmother’s house -- It hurt so badly. It hurt to think that his bank of memories would never have yet another deposit. That all he had now was all he would _ever_ have. That there was no addition in this equation, only subtracting small sums over time until it was empty. 

And he thought of the beach, and how he’d fight his mother over how much sunscreen she put on him and how long he had to wait before getting in again after eating his snack. 

And then he’d think of Kanata, which honestly fucking sucked. Like, as if he was not already in enough turmoil about his uncertain future and missing his mom, he had to think about his ongoing sexuality crisis as well. 

‘Sexuality Crisis’ wasn’t quite as accurate of a term as ‘actively questioning ignoring the potential change and realization of a different sexuality than he’s been forcing on himself since he was born,’ but it’ll work. 

Kaoru had been trying so hard, how dumb could he really be? Like, he goes to finally make a true male friend and within weeks, he can’t do anything except think about how nice it feels to hold his hand. Or how nice it feels when the sun goes down and the temperature drops and Kanata’s skin is warm pressed into his side. Or how easily he can fall into a rhythm of affection and care when he might vomit if he even tried with anyone else. The one boy he tries to befriend, he can’t even seem to hold a strictly platonic relationship with, is he not capable? Does he have to date every single person he’s ever found interest in? 

Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with him.

Honestly. . . .Probably nothing! He’s probably just being a normal bisexual young lad, but it plagues him. The fact that he _might_ be a little bit interested in boys makes him seriously want to drown. Feel the scratch of the salty sea intrude into his lungs and choke him up until he sees black and can’t feel the sharpness of the ice-cold seafloor on his skin. It sucks. 

And right back to his dad. What the fuck would his dad think of him coming home not after deciding to become an idol, but also being like ‘Hey! I like men too! I spend every night with my crush actually! And it makes me happy!’ but--

God. 

Idols can’t be gay can they? Like, Kaoru definitely likes girls. Like for sure, but if he likes boys too then-- 

(If Kaoru could put on a normal state of mind right now, he would realize that it doesn’t matter. He’s so sure of his ultimate goal of entertaining his audience, making them smile and enjoy their time with him on stage-- Would liking both not put him at an advantage to not only show a perfect fantasy boy to a majority of the audience as females, but the whole thing with males included?) 

He falls asleep like that. After working himself up and thinking so deeply about things that wouldn’t matter, it’s over. Just like that. He dreams of smiles, the blue sea, and blue hair to match. 

\--

All of this turmoil had led up to this. The night before graduation. 

Kaoru had been. . . Avoiding is a bad word for it. Kaoru had been avidly _cautious_ about not going to the beach. He didn’t know how to act, really really. 

With his newfound (more like old-found, newly admitted) romantic feelings towards his friend, the only person he could really hang out with on a normal basis-- 

Enough. Enough flipping the fuck out and thinking too deep. 

He sat his ass right down where the tide came in and just. Watched. Listened. If he closed his eyes and listened hard enough, he could swear the waves were singing to him. Their chaotic and irregular crashing formed a symphony that only he could hear, and it would be his favourite song forever. Maybe being alone wouldn’t be so bad, he thinks.

The sand shifts. 

He opens his eyes again. 

Kanata is seated beside him, smiling and saying something about how long it’d been since they’d seen each other outside of school.

Kaoru just smiles back and nods, even though his ears are still adjusting from zoning out everything except the white noise from the waves, coming back to Kanata’s quiet, melodic instrumental.

Maybe he has two favourite songs, he thinks as he watches Kanata and a small fish play some sort of mini-tag in a tidepool. 

With Kanata, everything dissipated. His thoughts and his dad and his longing for his mother. His worries for his future and what he might be doing to himself if he wouldn’t just shut up and act the way he thought he ought to. 

With Kanata, everything was just so easy.


End file.
